Today, two years ago, our lives were turned upside down and inside out. It still hurts to go there, but I will. I have to. I don’t know what it’s like to be a type 1 diabetic, but I do know what it’s like to care for babies with it. It has changed our lives, it has changed me. I think of numbers, even in my sleep. My son, Darryn, diagnosed at the tender age of 2 years old seems to not let it slow him down. So, this morning as I woke and relived every single minute of that bittersweet day two years ago…I wonder why it has changed me so much. Why it still hurts so much? I guess because I am realizing more and more that he really can’t understand at the age of 4 now what his life will really hold…what it will really mean. We have done this now for 730 days and it feels like an eternity! He has endured over 1,900 injections, over 130 pump changes and over 9,000 finger pricks…it hurts to see these numbers…it hurts to realize this is simply really only the beginning. I get it, but does he?
People have said, numerous times, “be thankful he is so young, he will never know any different.” I struggle with that, will he really? When everyone he goes to school with can eat what they want, when they want…when they can drink something and not think twice about it…while everything, every little thing he consumes needs to be accounted for and he needs dosed for it? When his little brother can eat and drink whenever and never think twice about it. I am sure my little man (yes, I say man, because he has had to grow up simply way too fast) is way smart enough to understand he is different. But at the end of today, I sit back and pray he understands that he is different and different is ok!!! He is strong, he is brave, he is beyond courageous and I know that Darryn is going to make a difference in the lives of others. While he may be different, he can be anything he wants. Diabetes has a part of his life, but I can see in his sweet eyes, it doesn’t have him!!!
I sat back tonight and I watched my babies play, all three of them. Play like there is nothing out of the ordinary in their lives…I hope and pray life is always this sweet. But in the end I know alarms are set, children need checked, the D monster never really leaves us alone, even on good days. The monster is always around the corner…waiting and watching.
While I want absolutely zero pity for myself or my dear sweet children, I do want to do my part raising awareness and if it helps one family then I did my job. People may feel it consumes me, well, it does!!! It has too!! It’s my babies safety, any mom wants nothing more than to protect her children…to fix whatever it is that hurts them….I simply can’t do that, no matter how bad my heart hurts to do it.
I may be a very loud voice for him and his dear sweet baby sister, who was diagnosed just 2 months ago at the age of 11 months, but trust me…I won’t always have the voice. These two are amazing and I can guarantee they will make a difference in whatever they do in life. All I can do for now is give them the tools and knowledge. I know someday I will have to give them the freedom to do this their way, it scares me to death, even though that is years away.
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