Tuesday, February 5, 2013

When Diabetes gives you lemons....

When Diabetes gives you lemons…what do you do?  Do you squirt it in Diabetes face or simply make lemonade?
I had an emotional struggle last night. It might just make the top of my list for ultimate questioning of this lifelong disease. Questioning of my sugar momma skills…I have made mistakes with this disease, after 2 years of it, it’s bound to happen. And, trust me, it has. However, last night felt like a parenting mistake…
It was a normal evening, I came home from work, made dinner, checked tiny little fingers, measured food, dosed insulin (one with a pump and one with injections). Pretty standard here. When it got to be bedtime, I went to Darryn’s bedroom to clean up and noticed his pump on the floor. I immediately got mad, I was mad that he didn’t tell me, he hadn’t been in his bedroom for hours. All I could think of was chasing highs, and why? WHY? Why, would he not tell me his pump came off??
I immediately gave Darryn “the business.” I immediately grabbed a new pump and insulin; of course there wasn’t enough insulin to fill his pump. So, I grabbed a new vial out of the fridge…more time wasted. I had to “warm” it up to put it in the pump. More minutes without insulin going into my Type 1 diabetic son…Grrrr. I was beyond irritated.
The time finally came and I put a new pump on him and checked his finger. The damage wasn’t too bad, surprisingly. However, it came to reflection time for me…
I am not a Type 1 Diabetic, I have 2 babies with Type 1…I have diabetes to a degree, but I don’t “have” it. I kept asking myself, if I was 5 years old and had something “attached” to me 24/7 and someone always at me, or even checking myself, if this “thing” fell off me, would I tell anyone??? Probably not. Why??? Because it has to get so old. It has to be tiring. I know how tiring it is for me, and I don’t have diabetes.
So, last night, I struggled. I struggled hard emotionally. I didn’t sleep much, watching over Darryn not knowing what the dark night may hold. But more than anything, I struggled if I had just made a HUGE mistake being mad at him. I wasn’t prepared for this. Hell, I’m not usually prepared for much diabetes dishes out daily. But I normally handle it with a smile, that’s what my babies need to see, after all.
I had a long talk with Darryn tonight…he did nothing wrong, I truly believe I did. For that, I am sorry, I am sad. I pray he knows how amazing he truly is, I pray Camryn knows how amazing she is, even my only non Type 1 Diabetic son, Devyn, he is simply amazing. This sugar momma will make mistakes, but she will also continue to learn from them. I’m so honored to be their momma and that I have their forgiveness and unconditional love. Children offer so much, don’t miss the opportunity to learn from them. Ever.
So, when Diabetes gives you lemons, don’t squeeze it in its face, simply make lemonade and rejoice that you have your sweet babies another day, savor every sweet sip…every sweet minute you are given.